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Divorced parents: Never use the kids as your spies

On Behalf of | Oct 31, 2022 | Child Custody and Visitation

Children who have divorced parents often go through a range of emotions. They may feel as though they live two distinctly separate lives — one with each paent. It’s up to the parents to try to make the situation as normal as possible for the kids.

One thing that parents sometimes do that can draw a big line in the sand between homes is trying to get the children to spy on the other parent. This is never a good idea because it puts the children in a difficult position that can ultimately have a negative impact on their emotional health. 

What does it mean to use the children as spies?

It’s often tempting for one parent to ask the children questions about the other parent’s home. This often has to do with the personal life of the other parent. Anyone who’s tempted to ask these types of questions to their children should think about how this would make the child feel. It can be very awkward to have one parent you love ask you to keep an eye on the other parent you love. 

The only time you should be concerned with what goes on at the other parent’s home is if there’s abuse or neglect occurring. Unless that’s the case, it’s best to leave your past romantic feelings for your ex alone and stop trying to find things wrong. A person who’s a wonderful parent may have been an awful spouse.

Make sure that the parenting plan is set in the best interests of the children. This can be updated as their needs change. As you’re working out the terms, be willing to use creative solutions for issues that come up. Working with someone familiar with these situations may help you to find the answers to complicated questions about the parenting plan.