Let’s say that you acted brashly, in a way that potentially threatens your Irvine, California divorce or child custody situation or your close relationships. For instance, maybe you wrote a snippy email to your ex-wife’s sister, chastising her about some minor issue that happened months ago over Christmas.
Here is a technique that you can use to rectify things and learn important lessons from what happened. It’s known as the “if/then” model. Basically, you come up with contingency plans to “pre think” your behavior and responses in certain situations. One “if/then” statement might read “IF one of my ex-wife’s relatives sends me an email or provokes me in some fashion, THEN, instead of responding immediately, I will leave the room or step away from my computer, take ten breaths, and compose a response when I am calm and not reactive.”
You can create if/then contingencies to manage bad things that have already happened or anticipated challenges. For instance, maybe you are worried about how to talk to your children’s friends’s parents (or your own friends) about the divorce, because you are shy, embarrassed or just in need of privacy. Rather than “wing it,” when you have those conversations, write down a script that you can memorize (and improvise off of) to deal with those conversations.
For instance, a script might go like this: “Thanks for your concern. Marne and I have been separated for the past three months, and we are working it out. I’m not yet ready to talk about the details yet, but I appreciate your support.”
Of course, your divorce or child custody issue is a complex project. Call the Dinnebier & Demmerle team to set up a strategic consultation with us about your possible next steps.