Today we’ll address two more critical ideas that will help you make time spent with your kids more meaningful, educational, fun and spiritual.
Resist the urge to “re-partner” quickly for the sake of the kids.
Many newly divorced people feel incredible pressure to re-partner — i.e. to start dating or get married — for the sake of providing structure and consistency for kids. This strategy, while well intended, can actually backfire and make the situation worse. Kids love structure. Chaos and constant change can actually dysregulate kids and make them stressed, confused, and anxious. Rapid re-partnering can create a revolving door of parent figures coming into and out of their lives. This perpetual disruption can cause more harm than good. So take your time and find a great partner, not just a placeholder!
Date and otherwise strive to meet your needs for companionship, when you are ready.
This is the flip side of the point above. While you should avoid bringing new people into your life “just for the sake of the kids,” you obviously should strive to meet your own needs for companionship, romance, friendship, etc. Just because you’re divorced does not mean that you can’t date or even start a new family. In fact, by working hard to meet your own needs, you’ll be more likely to be present, focused, and energetic when your kids visit. It is possible to have a great life and take great care of your kids.
For more insights about how to manage your California divorce or child custody situation, connect with the team here at Dinnebier & Demmerle today.